How Can I Know if He's Truly Changed.

Habitual patterns of abusive behavior rarely change unless there is significant intervention, professional guidance, or both. Sometimes, though, a husband does become so convicted of his self-centered ways that he allows the Lord to give him a new heart, new desires, and the power to change. If your husband promises he has changed, you need wisdom to discern if the change is only temporary and manipulative … or if he is truly taking personal responsibility for his abusive behavior.

“Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse.” (Proverbs 2:12)

Ask yourself these questions:
—  Do I no longer have a sense of fear when I am with him?
—  Has he learned to control his anger without being verbally or emotionally abusive?
__ Is he continuing in a pattern of manipulation?
—  Does he respect my right to disagree?
—  Is he able to express his feelings of anger in a calm, nonthreatening way?
—  Does he communicate feelings other than anger?
—  Does he no longer blame me for his problems?
—  Do I feel I am being treated with respect?
—  Does he show consistent kindness and consideration toward me?

“Husbands … be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” (1 Peter 3:7)
 
There is a world of difference between professing love and actually practicing it. Words alone will never tell you what a person is like. Jesus tells us someone’s history and current actions show you what they are like.

The Tree and Its Fruit 
“Beware of false prophets who come disguised as harmless sheep but are really vicious wolves. You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? A good tree produces good fruit, and a bad tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit. So every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire. Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.”  Mathew 7:15-20